More Horror Than Fun
by American-Pisces
Summary: "No matter what house he was in, no matter what he did, the game always happened." When the game is afoot, will the ex-empire survive the night? One-shot, songfic inspired by P!nk's Funhouse.


Another rainy day, another pointless meeting where nothing was accomplished, another time having to host countries who only made fun of him, and another lonely night in a house too full of memories and all too quiet. Arthur tossed his briefcase down, already eyeing the liquor cabinet. His mind still trying to forget every joke and jab from the other nations, especially the ones from his ex-colonies. He used to be so strong, he almost ruled the entire world! Where did the time go? Why did they all leave him? Why was he always so alone?

"Just don't think about it Arthur! You're better than that... Bloody hell what am I talking about, I'm the butt of everyone's jokes now..."

Empty bottles clatter to the ground to make room for the replacements. The dim lighting blurring before his eyes, his brain slowing down, but still thinking about all of them. How he loved all of them, took care of them all, and how he is here drinking alone in a darkened house.

"I took care of all of them, raised them up to what they are, and what do I get? I get them all leaving me... No thanks, nothing..."

The island nation eyed the room around him, framed photographs and paintings still on the walls but covered up, letters from the colonies stuffed into desk drawers and in between shelved books. The entire residence resembled a forgotten archive than a house, but he didn't care.

"It's not like anyone comes to bloody visit me anyways."

"Aw, is someone lonely? Do you want me to make cupcakes?"

Arthur's head snapped towards the sing song voice. Emerald eyes met with bluish pink. The freckled intruder's face almost split in half with a Cheshire grin, Arthur's blood ran cold.

"How the hell did you get in here, Oliver?!"

"Swear jar! Oh, and you know the answer to why I'm here, darling Arthur."

The Cheshire grin twisted into something darker, more psychotic, the playful element that first resided in the words was quickly lost in the transition.

Oliver stepped forward some sending Arthur sprawling off the chair creating a crescendo of clattering and breaking bottles. Glass shards skittered across the floor, digging into Arthur's palms as he crawled away from the approaching intruder.

"I thought you were begging for company, Arthur! Why are you running away?"

"You shouldn't be here! You don't belong here!"

Twisted laughter bounced off the walls and covered faces of the past. It was a sick and twisted curse that followed wherever Arthur went, nothing seemed to stop the next words that slid off of Oliver's tongue.

"Do you want to play a game?"

Arthur bolted for the front door desperately searching for any exit, any way to get away from Oliver. He knew what Oliver was capable of, and just how mentally disturbed he was. This game of cat and mouse wasn't as uncommon as Arthur wished. No matter what house he was in, no matter what he did, the game always happened.

"I need time to cast a spell, something to stop him, send him back to wherever the hell he came from this time..."

Blood dripped from his hands onto the floor as Oliver giggled and began to count like a small child playing hide and seek.

"9!"

The front door wouldn't budge. Arthur tugged on the handle, wincing as the glass shards dug deeper into his hands.

"8!"

He sprinted away from the front door. No use staying so close to where Oliver was counting. Reaching for the knob on the back door, Arthur stopped. The doorknob was covered in icing. He hesitated to even consider touching the icing, knowing Oliver it could have been poisoned.

"7!"

Swearing under his breath Arthur ran to find his spellbook. He knew there was a spell to temporarily banish Oliver, but he needed to find a permanent one. He struggled to remember where he left the bloody book.

"6!"

Upstairs! That was the last place he was practicing magic. He sprinted up the stairs, totally oblivious to the trail his bloody hands were leaving behind.

"5!"

He stopped at the top of the stairs. Which hallway was the book down? Left or Right?

"4!"

He was running out of time and breath. Arthur tore down the left hallway frantically searching for the book. Each failed room causing his panic to rise. He had to find that book before Oliver stopped counting.

"3!"

The right hallway had to have the book. It was Arthur's last hope. His hands stung as his flesh knitted over the glass shards pushing them deeper. Though the pain was nothing compared to the panic that seized Arthur's lungs and mind. Finally, a door leading to the attic opened and revealed the book calmly sitting on top of a dusty crate.

"2!"

This was it. His last chance.

"1!"

He slammed the attic door closed and attempted to catch his breath.

"Time's up Arthur! I'm coming for you!" Oliver cried out as he skipped around drawing a knife from his back pocket. His twisted smile grew larger with each blood trail he found. He followed Arthur's exact trail, following the rules of the game. It was always the same path. Front door, back door, stairs, left hallway, right hallway, Oliver had memorized it after the third game. Though the real fun began when the blood trails stopped, because then he could really start the hunt.

Arthur holed up in the corner of his attic, behind dusty bayonets and tea crates. If it were any other time he would have made a sarcastic comment about heroism, but now was not the time.

"Let this be enough to send him back..."

He grabbed his old spell book, wincing at the glass shards and forced himself to concentrate on the words rather than the floating cackles and shaking doorknobs.

Oliver skipped down the halls, knocking on doors he knew Arthur wasn't hiding behind, shaking doorknobs that had bloodstains on them. It was a big fun game! Cat and mouse, hide and seek, tag with knives and magic, it always happened, it was almost a ritual between the two of them. He always followed Arthur, it kept the game going. Oliver had no clue what he would do for fun if the game ended.

Various lights began to glow around Arthur as he chanted, his mind struggling to focus on the words as the shaking doorknobs and laughing got closer.

"Where, oh where, oh where is Arthur?"

Arthur's concentration faltered momentarily causing one of the lights to snuff out. He swore under his breath and tried to regain control. He was the bloody United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland! He was not going to go down without a fight, and he didn't plan on going down in the first place! He meant for the spell to be permanent this time! No more pink sweater vest wearing intruder, no more chasing, no more knives, no more of this sick curse!

"Where, oh where, oh where is Arthur?"

The island nation forced the spell to go faster as the giggles crawled closer. He wasn't about to risk being found.

"Where could Arthur be?"

The magical lights spread to the corners of the attic creating copies of Arthur. A small decoy to buy time for the true banishment to be cast. It was a long shot, but it was all Arthur had.

Then all at once, the laughing stopped, the shaking doorknobs stopped, the entire house went silent...as Arthur's phone began to loudly blast Alfred's ringtone.

Arthur froze, the spell sputtered out, the decoys faded away and his heart stopped. The ringtone flooded the attic with American patriotism and gave away Arthur's exact location. He did the only thing he could think of in the moment, he answered the call.

"Hey Arthur! I was wondering-"

"Alfred! Now is not the bloody time!"

"Whoa bro, did I catch you at a bad time or-"

"Shut up you git, I need to hide!"

"What-"

"Oh bloody hell-"

The phone was gently lifted away from Arthur's pale cheek, as the last words of the tune were sung out.

"There Arthur is..."

"Dude, something's not right with Iggy."

Tony looked up at Alfred unimpressed yet not surprised by the sudden Skype call. It was something he got used to very quickly after moving in with the American.

"I'm serious man! He said he had to hide! Iggy like never hides!"

Tony shrugged and continued making his sandwich.

"You're right I'm the hero! I should go and save him! Maybe if he sees how I saved him he will stop glaring at me during those boring meetings!"

Tony looked at Alfred and sighed only one word.

"Idiot."

Alfred rushed from his hotel room to Arthur's house that sat outside of town.

"Huh, no one in the driveway except for Iggy. Wonder what he is hiding from..."

He raised his hand to knock at the front door, but froze halfway as he saw the door was already open.

"Iggy!"

Alfred burst through the front door taking in his surroundings. Though the world may think he is happily oblivious all the time, there are those moments were that couldn't be farther from the truth. One hand firmly held the pistol he always carried on him, and the other was still firmly holding the front door. Alfred began to slowly move throughout the house, taking note of the discarded briefcase still unopened, the smashed bottles and scattered glass shards. As he saw the blood trails and footprints his eyes widened. Someone was here after all. Not only that, the blood on the floor was that of a nation. Iggy was hurt, somewhere in this house, and he had to hide from whoever was after him. Alfred's brain started to go a mile a minute. A sound from upstairs snatched his attention as he rushed up stairs, pistol at the ready.

"Who's there?!" Alfred stood, sights aimed at the top of the stairs. After no reply came, he slowly began to creep up the stairs.

"Who is up there?" He began to follow the blood trail as it swerved down the hall. He noted that it covered some door handles, like Iggy tried to open the door but had to flee before he could.

Another sound led him to the attic door. He carefully opened the door, squinting to see in the darkened room.

"Iggy? Are you in here?" A shuffling sound in the farthest corner made him raise his pistol again. He reached for a light switch on the wall just in case whatever was in that corner wasn't Iggy. As he flipped the switch the room flooded with light and illuminated the blood writing scattered across the walls.

 _Let's play again sometime Arthur!_

 _Game over!_

 _You win...again_

 _I scored, didn't I?_

 _See you soon! xoxo_

"Alfred?"

Sky blue eyes snapped to the nearest corner and landed on a bloody but alive Arthur.

"Iggy you're okay!"

Alfred snatched Iggy into a bear hug, regardless of how he muttered curses and refusals. He wouldn't say it directly, but he was relieved Arthur wasn't injured. He didn't want anything to happen to his former guardian.

Arthur sighed after Alfred refused to let him go from the hug. Emerald eyes looked to the cracked mirror across the room and locked onto the bluish pink staring back. Arthur smirked as the pink sweater vest wearing intruder wrote in the fog of his breath-

 _See you next time._

 _Author's Note: This was my first song fic and Hetalia fic! This idea has been in my head since I found out what the 2ps were. I will be updating more frequently, and if anyone read the original version it was taken down because I had the actual lyrics in it. Sorry about that! Please R &R! Love you all!_


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